PTB3-26: Why Bother with the Narcissist Part II.
In psychology today, Julie Hall, a psychotherapist, another expert on Narcissism writes and best-selling author: “But what happens when a parent’s guile is packaged as a smile, and cruelty is delivered as kindness?” And she goes on to tell 7 ways a Narcissistic parent practices guile: (1) They exploit cultural assumptions. (2) play the paragon of virtue, (3) they master microaggression—” Unlike the overt narcissist’s obvious one-upmanship, the covert narcissist parent uses microaggressions cloaked as oversights, slips of the tongue, humor, help, or caring concern”, (4) play the innocent victim, (5) operate within plausible deniability, (6). Look good by comparison to the other parent, (7). They give intermittent reinforcement—”Covert narcissist parents typically exert ongoing control over their children by sporadically offering forms of desperately craved validation, such as attentiveness, praise, caretaking, and gifts.”
Note: About Julie Hall. “ Julie L. Hall is the author of The Narcissist in Your Life: Recognizing the Patterns and Learning to Break Free from Da Capo Lifelong Books/Hachette Book Group. She is the founder of The Narcissist Family Files, an international resource for narcissistic abuse trauma recovery, and she assists clients around the world as a consultant and coach.
Hall is a journalist, educational writer, editor, and poet whose work has appeared in Reuters, HuffPost, The Nation, The Seattle Times, The Chicago Sun-Times, andPsych Centraland whose writing and editing clients include McGraw-Hill, Scholastic, Nielsen, Columbia University, Boston University, and University of Illinois.
My experience with 4 favorite lovely narcissist is that they not only do no good for others, but their very nature will also not allow them to do good. When my oldest asked two of my lovely narcissists why they did nothing to help their dying father, they replied, “it confuses us to see him like that”. In other words, they were accustomed to taking from him but not giving to him.
Of the peace of healing from narcissism marriage or parenthood,
“Those who are partnered with or married to these ultimate exploiters has caused you incalculable psychological, emotional and financial harm over many years. Your mind is very discerning, and you have done extensive research on the narcissistic personality and know that it is not possible to have genuine relationship with a narcissistic personality.
The wise intuitive voice inside of you makes it clear that the narcissistic personality is not inclined to change despite all of your efforts and your loyalty.
After a complex and long process, you are awakened and know that you are entitled to expressing yourself freely, to experience solitude and inner peace, deserving respect and empathy and the use of your many creative gifts.
You are moving forward along the pathways of psychological transformation and the fulfillment of your unique individuality.
For the world around you, Christians or non-Christians, is so bound by sin, they can not stand any reminders of the sin in their lives, so they react and fight back. The Bible and Jesus touched on this when it said near the end of time, and brother that is now, “People will be marrying, giving in marriage, until suddenly Christ comes again.” Nothing wrong with marriage and the giving in marriage, it is a matter of how God and righteousness are left out of the normal affairs of this world, and the world does not want to be reminded of that!
that is, if you do not suffer for righteousness’s sake, you are wrong not the world. Jesus listed at the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount only seven beatitudes, the first six establish the righteous life, although unrecognized by man, and the seventh tells what you can legitimately expect from the world in reaction and response to your righteousness—
“Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 5:10)
Only 16 words, but oh what heartache can be enclosed in those 16 words only God knows and honors it with the blessings of not only the kingdom of heaven but the established kingdom on the new earth.
b. Let there be no misunderstanding on the fact that narcissism is a sin, whether it be by the lifetime dedicated narcissist or the beginner, is SIN.
Those therapists of the Bible, say that narcissism is “indolent pride”.
c. Perhaps you have done a superficial reading as most of the world, and most of the masses that listened to Jesus that first Sermon.
Dr. Charles Allen summarizes the Beatitudes for us in his “God’s Psychiatry”:
“To be poor in spirit means to give up our pride; to mourn means to be penitent to the point of surrendering our sins; meekness means hat we must surrender our very selves in the plans and purposes of God; our hunger for God means turning away from our ambitions for all things else; to b merciful means to pay good for evil we have received; for purity we must live up all things impure; to make peace is wholly to choose God. Those are the seven ingredients of righteousness. They must be bought at a price. Blessed are those who pay the price, “for theirs is the kingdom of God.”
God knows and care about both the narcissist and the victims of narcissism, and there is nothing short of the unpardonable sin that God can not immediately intervene and bring rescue. Like the popular song “We can not walk on water, and we can not still the stormy sea, but we know a man who can.” And that man is the risen and ascended Jesus Christ who sits at the right hand of God to intervene in human affairs and to make intercession for out sins and righteousness.
God is there too!
b. We have hope for their change, healing, and salvation.